Top 10 Asian Horror Movie Rules

With the release of Scream 4 on DVD and Blu-ray yesterday, it has time to come for the release of the top 10 rules for each of the respective horror movies by nationality.  This is the Asian horror movie rules list, and the last list of the series.  It encompasses most of Asian horror movies, including Japanese, Korean and Thai.  Bear in mind that these rules differ slightly from American and European horror movies, as they are generally more gruesome and vivid.

The Asian horror movie rules are, as follows in no particular order:

  1. Avoid technology, generally cellular phones and computers.  Generally, interaction with technology leads down the horror road, often the supernatural.
  2. Sometimes the horror is sadomasochistic, if a person or persons are the source of the horror.  It is often based on revenge on a past deed or past love.  If it’s a past love, the source of horror is often a woman involved in some kind of witchcraft.  Unfortunately, these women will stop at nothing until they accomplished their revenge.
  3. Romance in an Asian horror movie often helps your survival.  Generally, you’re one of the last few survivors in the aftermath.  The cuter the Asian girl, the better your chances generally.
  4. If the thing that is chasing you is from the supernatural world, it is often based on the past of yourself or one of your friends.
  5. Don’t count on your friends to help you, especially late in the movie. At that time, they are dealing with their own past demons or with yours.  In either case, you can consider yourself screwed.
  6. Sometimes the horror is cannibalistic, if it involves person or persons.  However, unlike Hannibal Lechter of American horror movies, this cannibalism is often for youth or vampirism or combination of both.
  7. Avoid children mostly, unless you happen to be one yourself.  They are often the forebearers of horror coming down your way.  In which case, start running — fast.
  8. Avoid subways generally, as they are a source of ghosts and other creatures of the night.
  9. Avoid teachers in high school.  They are generally very perverse mentally, if not sexually.  They will often lead manhunts against their students or otherwise, have sex with them or want to.
  10. If you’re American, British or otherwise Caucasian, you are screwed in Asian movies.  You are often among the first to go, despite your best intentions to help the lead.  At best, you are given one chance to help the lead, if you survive that long.

With these rules in tow, you should come out as the last few survivors in an Asian horror movie.  The Asian horror movie is one of the most gruesome unfortunately so you should not remain too optimistic on survival.  Most likely, you’ll undergo some torture or gory deaths of your friends beforehand.  Whereas these rules are adequate, with the sadism in these Asian horror movies, I can’t guarantee that you’ll survive even to half of the movie unlike American or European horror movie rules listed previously.  Hiding won’t help you much so I wish you the best of luck on your survival.

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