Top 10 European Horror Movie Rules

With the advent of Scream 4 Blu-ray and DVD today, it would be interesting to note what to do to avoid death or incapitation by a horror villain or villains in European horror movies. This is the second part of a four-part series on surviving horror movies.  For this list, European horror movies consist of those made in the United Kingdom, Australia, Germany and Sweden.

The rules for surviving European horror movies are listed below in no particular order:

  1. Befriend the African-American as soon as possible.  They are often the last few survivors and often physical enough for you to find means of escape from whatever is chasing you.  They are valiant and quite durable, unlike American horror movies.
  2. Learn survival skills.  You will be often left in the middle of the woods with your car stranded some miles away.  Expect a couple of days at least while remaining in the wilderness.
  3. Av0id subways generally.  Often, creatures hide in the subways often, much like Asian horror movies.
  4. Avoid events held in forested areas, particularly scheduled vacations held there.
  5. Friends kill friends…eventually.  Unlike in American horror movies, your co-workers are included in this lot.  When push comes to shove, you better learn to defend yourself.
  6. Avoid anything related to World War II, or more specifically, Nazi-related.  If it includes bunkers, former officers or experiments conducted in World War II, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
  7. Learn survival skills.  I mean that in the original sense as well as the horror movie sense.  If you are more equipped in this manner, the better off you’ll be.
  8. The lower your position on the social or corporate ladder, the better your chance of survival will be.  However, in this case, it could mean you could be the hero and in other cases, you are actually a villain of the horror movie.  Whichever one you may be, you’ll be one of the last survivors of the film.
  9. Police officers are good-meaning and quickly respond to your calls, but they have incredibly slow response times.  Although you might get a fast response from them, don’t expect them to come to your rescue too quickly.  On the bright side, they won’t often die, unlike American horror movies.
  10. Don’t do drugs, especially marijuana.  Drugs might take the edge off, but it will give the edge to the horror villain or villains.  Although this does pertain to both American and European horror movies, in Europe, it is a bit easier and less restrictive to obtain drugs such as marijuana which gives Europeans a distinct edge.

These rules will help you survive European movies, at least most of the movie.  I can’t guarantee that you will survive beyond half the movie, but if you follow these rules, it should help.