All the Boys Love Mandy Lane

With Wes Craven being the last classic horror movie maker to go for the X-Generation, the next generation of horror movie makers, the Milleniums, have arrived.  However, these film makers rely on cheap scares, cheap sex and cheap nudity to bring in the viewers, and bad acting and mediocre script to force them away.

Here are 10 tips on surviving the next generation of horror movies:

• Bring your camera. With this generation, whether a digital camera or camera phone, they love to film their exploits.
• Dumb blondes aren’t so dumb anymore.  With this generation, unlike the previous one, blondes are a force to be reckoned with.  Be careful around them.  They can’t be trusted when the hammer falls.
• Leave your  cell and/or smart phone at home.  I don’t know why.  Nowadays, cell phones are left at home or locked away.  With crazy people  chasing after you, this isn’t so smart.
• Survive the reboots. Chucky, Freddy Kreuger and Jason all have been revived, but the well seems to have run dry. For now.
• Survive the derivatives. Every villain is now a derivative of the previous villain, without much creativity, aside from a couple of exceptions that came out of the United Kingdom.
• Enjoy the T & A. Without acting, most of the current generation horror movies is leaning on T & A.  Although exciting for its brief moments, it’s not all that scary. Really.
• Survive the villain’s bad costumes. Insidious topped it off with their ridiculous demon villain costume.  Paranormal Activity was no better.
• Survive the mediocre to bad CGI. Mama topped it off with its ghost from the 1980s. Compared to the ghost in Mama, Ghostbusters‘ librarian ghost  was much better. Chucky’s revival in Curse of Chucky was only slightly better than the animatronic Chucky doll.
• Have either Tony Todd or Danny Trejo by your side.  These two have become the stars of horror movies.
• Say it with feeling. More and more “horror” movies are independent.  Even more so, they are attempting to convey messages, often moral, sometimes not.

The horror movies of the Millennial Generation have ultimately become very derivative and not at all scary.  Compared to horror movies of days gone by, survival will be far easier.